Dear West Coast: We know you have more earthquakes than us here on the east coast, but if you are allowed to panic when you get a half inch of snow, we are allowed to panic when the earth shakes for 10 seconds. Sincerely, The East Coast
Posted by Roominator
Today in my head, I made out, had sex, broke up, got back together again, married, had kids, grew old and died with a man I walked past in the corridor.
Posted by huzzah
There are some people walking around alive today simply because I don't want to go to jail tomorrow.
Posted by anamcara
Mom: Put this away, this is how your stuff gets lost. Me: No, you hiding my stuff and thinking you're putting it away for me is how my stuff gets lost.
Posted by NotFunny
you know you've been friends with someone for a very long time when you still remember their home number from back when you still had to go through "Hi, can I please speak to..." shenanigans.
Posted by dahliaj
"Dark Smooth Sweet Luscious Cherries".... Settle down cherry company I am just looking for a snack not an online dating profile.
Posted by DarkKnight
Anyone can catch my eye, but it takes a special person to catch my drift.
Posted by jezsmits
Just saw an ad for "minimal running shoes." I'm pretty sure I already own several pairs - I call them "heels."
Posted by GeneralsBitch
The end of a long relationship is like finishing a marathon. You feel like you may throw up, but are still proud you finished. However, one thing is certain. Only a crazy person would try to start running another one the next day.
Posted by fakepeterman
I want to get a tattoo of a lays chip so that when I get older it will turn into a ruffle
Posted by IslaAnn
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